Monday, February 17, 2014

I am not an academic

Considering that I have a bachelor's degree in English, you might think I would write more book reviews than I do.  I'm not really sure why I don't.  It might partly be because I once got a C on an essay I wrote about Pride and Prejudice because the professor said that I "wrote about the characters as if they actually existed."  Well, um, what?  To me, they DO exist.  I think I was just never cut out to write about literature because I'm too much of a fangirl.  I can't be objective.  I have the feels and I can't turn them off. 

I also once had a friend who used to be an English professor, and we were talking about The Simpsons.  He was the kind of snooty asshole who said he "never watched television" but he liked The Simpsons.  Yeah, I don't get it either.  ANYWAY.  There was an episode where Ralph Wiggum said something that I thought was actually pretty perceptive.  The plot was something about the kids breaking in to an old prison where the electric chair was and when they go in the room, Ralph says "It smells like hot dogs."  And then later, through some plot twist, Mayor Quimby is in the chair and the power has been turned on and someone's about to pretend-fry him (they think the power is off) and Ralph says, "He's gonna smell like hot dogs."  Which, come on!  That's pretty smart of Ralph.  He made a connection between two things and said something much less stoopid than his usual bon mots.  I told this to old Snooty Pants and he said something like "You know Ralph isn't a real person, right?"  Like, duh.  No, SP, I thought I could book a trip to Springfield, Whatever and meet good old Ralph.  DUH.  So, ya know, if I had to sound all snooty pants and condescending to be a good literature writer, then I think I'm better off being all semi-delusional.

So I guess I don't write book reviews because I think I'm gonna sound stoopid and I've been scarred by snooty English professors who made me feel silly and I hate snooty men who make me feel silly.  Which is stoopid.  I'm just not an academic.  I'm a fangirl.

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