I Watched This: Hemlock Grove

Hemlock Grove (available on Netflix Instant) is the kind of show that seemed meant for me.  Supernatural show, created by Eli Roth, yes, okay, I'm in.  Even so, I didn't watch it immediately when it dropped on Netflix.  The regular TV season was still in full swing and I just didn't feel like adding another show.  In retrospect, it might have been better for me if I had watched it then.  Most likely I would have been put off by the truly atrocious pilot, and would have never watched more.  But this week when I decided I wanted to watch it, there was just enough in the pilot that made me interested, I had an evening to kill, and so I watched more of it. 

All I really knew going in was that there was something about werewolves.  And I assumed it would be a nice little horror show, maybe a little campy, maybe a little scary.  Either of those would have been fine.  Both mixed together would have been fine.  However.  There is very little real horror in this show.  And it was NEVER scary.  As for camp, there has to be a sense of humor, a sense of FUN for that to work, and there is no real fun in this.  It isn't even a "so bad it's good" situation.  It's just mostly bad and no fun.

So, why did I keep watching?  Mostly because there was a mystery, and I'm a sucker for a mystery.  Who was the werewolf who killed the girl in the pilot?  Why are these gypsies interested in the Godfrey family?  What's up with the weird Frankenstein sister?  (And why is Famke Janssen inflicting this bad British accent on us???)  Also, there was a clip circulating of what was termed "the grossest werewolf transformation EVAR," which I decided not to watch in advance.  This scene was NOT in the pilot, so I kept watching.  Now, that scene?  Was worth waiting for.  It was interesting, it was gross, it had life.  If the rest of the show could have matched that, maybe it would have been worth something.

Random observations:

• Bad accents.  I love Famke Janssen, I really do, but her accent was distracting and bad.  Dougray Scott always sounded constipated, and Bill Skarsgaard?  OMG.  It was all he could do to form words.  Truly bad.
• I didn't care one bit about any of the characters besides Frankenstein sister.  A major character died in the final episode and I felt nothing.  Nothing!!
• This show was full of portents that led nowhere.  Slow, ponderous scenes that went nowhere. 
• Lack of clarity.  Famke Janssen is a vampire?  But she had a tail?  What???  Why??? 
• Gypsies.  A major plot point was that the people in this little Pennsylvania town were racists towards gypsies.  Huh?  Is that a thing now? 

The worst thing about all this is that I will probably watch if they do a second season.  I am an idiot.